Off to bag me a disease

fatlad · Indymedia Hound

Off to bag me a disease

The first time I encountered the pale face of Marty Shit, front man for the hotly tipped new band, Black Haemorrhage Inheritance, I couldn't help but cringe. The four-piece come straight out of Manchester, a city famed for its music history, but BHI have raped and one-eight-sevened their roots, forging their own unique path. Their songs sound like a mix of Drugged Up Keith Chegwin, thudding hung-over head-temples and noises of rabid animals. The strange thing is, it works, and BHI have been pulling increasing crowds in Manchester. Next week they make their debut performance in Birmingham, at the Barfly.
Marty has eventually agreed to meet for an interview, and I went to visit him in his tour bus (an old transit van painted black). I knocked and he invited me in. As soon as I opened the door I was hit with the extremely pungent odour of bile. The windows all had drawn, black curtains and most of the van was taken up by the bed occupied by M. His face, the only part of him that wasn't covered, was white, with unidentifiable black splodges, and his skin was hanging off his frame like a man 4 times his age. His eyes were wide, WIDE open. Or maybe it just looked like it because he had no eyebrows. His hair was patchy but dark. I couldn't help my face from shrinking up for a moment.
"Close the door," He said in the most pathetic, feeble voice I've ever heard. The van with the door closed was almost pitch-black, I could hardly see anything at all. And so, in the darkness and the overpowering stench, I conducted my interview.

Interviewer: Marty, 2005 has been a big year for you, on the cusp of fame and controversy, fighting illness, and facing up to your parents’ wrongs. How do you feel? Are you looking forward to what this year will bring?
Marty: Not really...fame, money, women, even music, just aren't really my thing. I do this to distract from the depressing sense of futility.
I: That's pretty weighty there. Are you often depressed?
M: I'm not sure if I'd call it depression. I've felt this all my life so I’m used to it...Back in primary school I used to try to kill myself with a fork in the plug socket, but now I think "What's the point in even bothering to end it?".
I: Now Marty, you're pretty famed for your on stage antics; Injecting yourself with purposely dirty needles, eating whole raw, unplucked chickens, throwing up vegetable chunks on the crowd, and even performing a lot of gigs entirely from your bed. What is your reasoning behind these acts? What sort of social statement are you making with them?
M: I dunno...I do what comes naturally. The crowd seem to enjoy it...I used to crowd surf, and people would try to steer my face over them, just in case I vomited. I've seen some of the needles I've used sold on eBay...I guess I just do what I’d normally do, and let the crowd watch.
I: What would you say to some people’s criticism that these are just stunts or gimmicks? Otherwise what would be the point, for example, of you inhaling chlorine gas through a crack pipe in your anus?
M: Does it matter if they are?
I: Could you list some of your influences? Who are your heroes and why?
M: I couldn't really say. I just play what I feel. I went through a faze when I was younger of listening to any musician who'd killed themselves. The closer the time of song writing to the suicide the better. Nick Drake, Ian Curtis, Del Shannon, and of course Kurt Cobain...Unfortunately, they're all ass sludge. I used to read books about meaninglessness, but figured that that was meaningless…Bad jokes, means bad soul I guess.
I: What is your philosophy on souls?
M: They're a f**k up fairytale for idiots.
I: Thanks for your time. I look forward to seeing you at the Barfly.
M: ...

Marty Shit remains a tortured poet in a world that does not understand him, a genius and a prophet. People go to watch partly because it sheds a window on the sadness of our collective soul, and partly with a morbid fascination that maybe this gig will be the last time anyone sees him alive. He will either save us all or finally destroy humanity. Black Haemorrhage Inheritance are sure to be the biggest band ever, so if I were you, I'd make sure I see them before Marty dies or is arrested for what he did to his parents. Their new album, "Dead by Default" will be out this spring.

by Scott Summers
_________________
Only if you're gentle

jimmy · Street Demonstrator

Wonderful, but i thought the NME said The Arctic Monkeys were going to be the biggest band of all time?
_________________
Supposing truth is a woman, what then?

vlad · Guest

'off the wall f**k genius!' Vlad Buxton

fatlad · Indymedia Hound

Guest · Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 5:58 pm Post subject:

I dont really find that very funny

stalfithrildi · Street Demonstrator

Well you wouldn't. You're probably IN the Arctic Monkeys.

Bloody Sheffelders. No sense of humour you know
_________________
The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head

Matt · Sandal-wearing bean eater

Please, Mr/Mrs/Ms Guest,

Why, oh why, oh why on earth do you feel the need to make an anonomous post, just to say that you didn't find it very funny. It would be different if you had a name, but you are just a ghostly dispossessed voice & as such in my eyes or opinion carries so little weight... In addition, please could you consider elaborating on why you didn't find it very funny? Have some substance please, I implore thee!!!!

BTW: I found it particularly funny...

Matt
_________________
If you try to make the world a better place then there’s a strong chance that you’ll suffer and probably feel that you have failed. However, if you do not try then you’ll certainly fail and will definitely suffer! As will those that you want to help!

Guest · Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 10:46 pm Post subject:

I just read it hoping it would be funny and I didn't laugh out loud or even smile the whole way through. I don't want to be rude 'cos I appreciate that it takes courage to post something on one of these boards, especially with such passionate debate going on (hence why I remain anonomous), but I just think that at 19 years of age perhaps I have grown out of being amused by something as juvenile as that.

Dear Prudence · Black Bloc

jen · Guest

you make me laugh philpot

fatlad · Indymedia Hound

Thanks for the support all, I'm glad you liked it! As for Guest, each to his own i guess.

Although

jiimmy · Guest

dear guest... hence why?? no. get a grammar book.

lucasm · Guest

is that not correct then?

Guest · Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 11:56 pm Post subject:

no, hence means for this reason or that's why. so the why is already contained in it. I apologise for the attack, it was quite unreasonable. Actually it's a bit of bug bear of mine.