The Radish :: View topic

Jon · Indymedia Hound

Well i reckon that a lot of guys, myself probably included would agree with the male part of that article, but im not sure about the female part. On the whole, perhaps women do, in this day and age, value sex more, but thats not to say that there arent women who just go out looking for a shag, and thats also not to say that there arent men, like James, who value sex as a meaningful act between two people who care for each other.
I'll admit, I fit quite nicely into the typical view of men when it comes to sex. I dont sleep around as such, but in terms of my attitude to sex i do have a casual approach to it. I enjoy it, and while i have never had sex for the hell of it with some complete stranger after a night out, i dont think iv ever felt it as a truly emotional act. However, i believe this is probably because you need to find the right person to have a truly emotional sexual relationship, and i maybe have not found that person yet.
Or I'm just a complete man whore, with no morals - you decide! Smile

nick_b · Street Demonstrator

the article in redbrick is written by a girl about a girl's experiences. as it ahppens, she's also one of my closest friends, and i think she maes some valid points. she doesn't pretend to be representing the views of all women or condemning all men. but as generalsisations go, i think its a fairly accurate one.

i realise that, as a man, i'm somewhat condemning myself in a lot of people's eyes there. but i don't have a problem with casual sex. i think its fun. its not as good as meaningful sex, but then why make the comparison? lots of things aren't as good as lots of other things. i'm not in a relationship right now, and i don't really want to be. my head's far too messed up with all sorts of things to try any sort of committment. so i'm not going to be 'making love' any time soon. but sex is still fun. so long as both people know that it either means or doesn't mean anything, and so long as its safe etc., then thats fine by me.

sex should be about personal choice. if there are two people who want to get down to it, then good luck to them. whats immoral about that?

Sapphrine · Street Demonstrator

Silvia · Black Bloc

I don't know... I just think that sex is something too intimate to share with whoever. You're at your most vulnerable... I'd feel really exposed having casual sex...

But I guess in the end it all boils down to personal opinion.

Silvia · Black Bloc

ZiggyMarley · Black Bloc

Guest · Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 6:48 pm Post subject:

I think sex is different for everyone at different points in their lives. There are times when u need/want casual sex and others when u need some sort of emotional connection. The problem is when people are in different places and don't let each other know what sex means.
It doesn't help when guys/girls say things u want to hear or imply that they want a relationship just to get sex. If people were more honest it would make things so much simpler. I don't see whats hard about saying how u really feel!! So many people see themselves as decent people, standing for worldly causes that they truely believe in, but yet they can't show common decency to people they've slept with because they're too embarassed to admit they didnt have feelings for that person. My honesty has got me into trouble at times, but i've never regretted it.

I'm not saying i'm, against casual sex, its fun and i've experienced my fair share of it to realise that at this point in my life, the simple self-gratification that comes with casual sex isn't what i'm looking for right now.

Sex is can be one of the most amazing experiences but you have to respect whoever you're sleeping with. i think at uni, the very casual attitude to sex makes people forget this. Fair enough it's difficult to get to know a one night stand and therefore truely respect them but there's is a difference between a one night stand and someone who you've spent time with and are attracted to (even if its not within a relationship). They should have at least have earnt enough of your respect to treat them like they exist once you have slept with them and realised you don't want to make it a repeat event (cos believe me it happens).

Maybe I'm an idealist but what's so difficult about honesty and respect?

ZiggyMarley · Black Bloc

I wonder how wide spread 'casual' sex is at uni? What do others think. I don't hear much about it but I'm not in the most normal of student demographics as lots of people i hang around with are either strict Christians or arent that interested in sex in general.

Silvia · Black Bloc

Yeah, agree with the guest about people wanting different things at different times in their lives... and also about the whole respect and honesty thing although the latter might be a little too idealistic indeed.

And Rich, I'm the same as you. Haven't heard that many cases of casual sex since I arrived at uni. But then again, I'm only a first year and perhaps people just haven't told me about it!!

Also, I finally read the article in question. It's excellent. It's what I've felt for a long time and didn't know I felt it - or at least didn't know how to express it to myself!! hehe...

stella · Armchair Activist

I'm a second year and I've met plenty of people who are promiscuous in their first year, and some who are still in the second.
I'll have to admit though, they tend to stop after the 1st yr, as the guest was saying, it's really got to do with timing. I've had my fair share of sleeping around...which is more than some, and less than others...but I would never go back. Perhaps you have to experience both to realise that relationship sex is far better than one night stands.
There's no such thing as bad sex, only bad teachers, right?
As for what the guest was saying about respect and trust when having a sexual encounter...isn't that the whole point of a one night stand? there IS no respect towards one another, because you don't see them as a person, but more as a means towards an end (aka an orgasm)?

Dear Prudence · Black Bloc

I think casual sex does happen a lot at uni, but perhaps not as much as I imagined it would. (I'm in the first year so that may make a difference to my perception.)

I do think the article in question makes some good points.

One thing I particularly think is that no matter how much women try to have no strings sex, it doesn't often work. No matter how much some women tell themself they're doing it just for fun and it's not going to affect them emotionally, I think most women ARE emotionally affected by sex. That's not a bad thing. It's not something to fight. I personally believe sex should only take place when it's an expression of a (preferably deep, serious and even committed) emotional feeling.

However, the same goes for some men. I know many guys who see sex as an emotional thing and have slept with only one or two people, with whom they've been in long-term relationships.

Being sexually liberated is not about being able to sleep with as many people as you want, whenever you want, without any negative repercussions. It's about having the right sex in the right context with the right person.
_________________
'Men make their own history, but not of their own free will; not under circumstances they themselves have chosen'
- Marx, 1852

http://robertating.blogspot.com

nick_b · Street Demonstrator

to clarify, i've never slept with anyone who i only met that night and never saw again after the next morning, but i wouldn't think there's anything wrong with doing that. you can like someone if you've only just met them, and, so long as you both know what the situation is, you can respect each other too.
i think so long as you can separate the idea of sex in a one night stand from the idea of sex with someone you love, then both are fine. one doesn't devalue the other, cos they're completely different things.

stella · Armchair Activist

[quote="nick_b"] you can like someone if you've only just met them, and, so long as you both know what the situation is, you can respect each other too.

sure. in an ideal world. but I honestly don't think going to a club and pulling some one...and then taking them home has got anything to do with respect. sure, you might like them...but you barely know them.
and, I don't know...does the actual situation mean there is less respect? I mean, can you respect some one who barely knows you and still goes home to have sex with you?....doesn't really scream self-respect.

Teapotboy · Black Bloc

stella · Armchair Activist

hmm. it's wierd because since i wrote that last post, my view of sex has certainly changed. So i think the whole idea of it meaning different things to people at different times in their lives is completely accurate.
as it turns out, i completely agree with you mr teapotboy. obviously, i think women need to be alot more picky about who u sleep with, or the scanky "next morning" feeling surfaces.
however, i think the difference between men and women when it comes to sex has everything to do with the actual act in itself. Because women feel so uncomfortable about asking for what they want, and being open about their sexuality, it'a alot harder to have good, orgasmic sex.
so it's easier for a woman to have a good shag with a bloke she knows and loves. It's harder to say what u want, and have a good time, because u have to be selfish...it's just the nature of our bodies. Besides, ours are shaded in mysticysm, and i reckon probably alot of women don't know how to push their own buttons, let alone telling some one else how to do it.
with guys, there is absolutely no social taboo surrounding their sexuality, and what they like in bed. whereas women...well, it's alot more complicated.
I think thats what was meant to be meant by women's sexual liberation. sure, it's more acceptable for women to have sex (but only slightly...b/c WOW, if u enjoy sex and talk about it, ur a nympho or a freak or a slag...whats the deal? can't a woman have a high sexual libido?) BUT, the thing is that they should gain more PLEASURE from the actual act in itself. That's a really big deal.
anyways, i've completley rambled on. read "girl with a one track mind." it'll completely open ur mind.